Mr and Mrs (continued)

By this stage I am still pinching myself to check I am not dreaming. Already my day had been filled with so many blessings and I hadn't even walked down the aisle yet. It was real, this truly was happening and I was now so eager to walk down that aisle and see my soon to be husband.

I traveled in a car with Mum and Dad while Josy, Sam and Summer rode in another car. Dad sat in the back with me and held my hand the whole way. I remember by this stage it finally hit me that I was about to get married. Haha even writing this my heart starts beating faster thinking about this moment. I made a point to be on time and not leave poor Dan waiting at the alter for any longer than he had to.

Our ceremony was held at a place called Oak Valley Manor. A stunning garden surrounded by white roses and a precious little chapel (which was our wet weather back up). The weather played it parts and everyone prayers worked. All week we were scheduled for rain. I almost brought an umbrella and was mentally prepared it would rain. On the day before during our rehearsal there was no rain but it was incredibly windy which made it very unpleasant. Even when we woke up that morning it was still windy but just like magic it dropped away and we were left with a perfect day. The owners of the venue said that they had never had a wedding party have such a stunning still, clear day. We had lots of beautiful souls looking down on us helping in that department.

We arrived and our priest came over to greet me then we all joined hands and said a quick prayer which was a lovely gesture. It calmed us all down and gave us a minute to just breathe and center our thoughts. Then the music started and it was time...Dan later told me that although they couldn't see me they could all hear me laughing which sounds about right!!!

We had chosen to walk down the aisle to Jason Mraz 'I wont give up' we had it sung and played on an acoustic guitar by Dans family friends (Josie and Jimmy). Their voices were breath taking and the words to this song have always given me chills. For us as a couple that sound encapsulates standing by each other side through life challenges as well as the wonderful moments. It is about being each others pillar of strength and knowing that no matter what happens from this moment you will always have your number one supporter by your side. It is simply about not giving up...on our selves and on each other.

I had both my Dad and Mum walk me down the aisle. This was a decision made even before I was engaged. I always wanted both of them because I wouldn't be where I am today without them. I needed them both there to hold me and to take this special walk together. I think Mum mainly wanted to make sure I didn't fall over!!

 I distinctively remember firstly being overwhelmed with the instant amount of love I could feel walking down the aisle of all the happy smiling faces then I locked eyes on Dan and everyone else seemed to fade away. The first look at each other gives me chills. He was beaming and I knew I was beaming. After hugs from Mum and Dad I finally embraced Dan and I had never felt so perfectly placed in the world in that minute. Everything had been leading up to this minute and I tell you it felt so natural and overwhelming peaceful. I was finally where I was meant to be.

Dan and I were both brought up in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic high schools so faith was an important part of our wedding day. Our Priest who married us had had a lot to do with our families so having him marry us meant a lot.

We had our close friend Bex do a bible reading (Colossians 3:12-17). Which talks about clothing ourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness  but "over all these put on love, open yourselves to lasting peace and be grateful".  In our eyes the formula for a deep rich blessed marriage. 

This is an insert of part of Father Craig's homily:

It's been said, and I think it's true, that good marriages, like good wine, take time to mature. You are both very young but you have already begun this journey in a way that many people will never achieve.

If there is any one word, which helps to define a good relationship it's love. The experience of being loved, no matter how old or how young you are, cannot be compared with anything else. No amount of money can buy it. Nothing can compare to the knowledge and experience of being loved just for who you are. Love is much more than a feeling but it gives us a feeling of wholeness. Love gives us a sense of our own worth and without it, we feel empty. 

Daniel and Olivia, you are being invited to hold on to what's good. You are already a light for our world. Let go of anything that will harm your marriage and never stop being grateful for one another. I encourage you to continue putting your trust in God who loves you deeply. He wants you to be truly happy and to enjoy his friendship. He will always be there for you but he wont force you.

 Lastly, our hope for you, as a family and friends and your wider church family is that you will be happy in your marriage and that your love for one another will deepen and grow richer all the days of your lives. 

            
It was then time for our vows and Dan and I could not stop smiling....make that beaming. I always thought I would be a blubbering mess but I just had this perfect calmness and serenity wash over me that every word I spoke to Dan came from the bottom of my heart. I looked into Dan's blue eyes and knew that for the rest of my life I was now home.

 I was told later again that once we were pronounced husband and wife I let out a big 'wooohoo' haha classy... and then Dan said he quickly joined it. I have no memory of that!
 We all knew what was next the awaited first kiss....which have to be two of my favourite photos.

We then lit our wedding candle which I had wrapped the bottom in the left over lace off my dress.  Dan's sister Tamsin, my brother Joe, my friend Jemma and cousin Tom all read out the Prayers of the Faithful. It was special to have our nearest and dearest included in this way. Then it was time to sign the register while Josie and Jimmy sung Ed Sheeran's Kiss Me....after seeing him live twice Ed had to be included in our wedding day!

 We had one more blessing and then were declared for the first time Mr and Mrs Hall!!! We walked back down the aisle to Imagine Dragons 'On Top of the World' which really doesn't need any explanation as to why we chose that song.

The next phase was filled with so many hugs and congratulations and more happy tears. I do not think I had ever been hugged so much in my life. It was then time for group and family photos then our bridal party and us slipped away to capture some beautiful photos. Our guests were left to mix and mingle in the garden with champagne and some amazing canapes (mini prawn rolls with wild rocket, lemon dill mayo; sushi with ginger and soy; rare beef fillet on brioche with smoked mushroom).

Below are some of our favourite photographs....Aimee Kelly is not only incredibly talented and passionate about her photography but was so much fun to shoot with. We really got lucky choosing her to capture our day. She was a true gem and has now given us special memories to cherish forever.

 We had our reception at a bowling club which the day before we decorated and it came up better than we could have imagined. We covered the tables in craft paper and then everyone had a paper doily place mat with their name which was written in calligraphy. We used an old suit case and luggage tags in craft paper as our table settings and on the table had wedding photographs of our parents and grandparents. Joe (my brother) had spent the last few weeks before the wedding planting succulents into vintage jars which were scattered around the table. Josy and my Aunty Pam had also done up flower arrangements in shades of green and white. Months before Mum and I spent our evenings making paper bunting and dear Bex had the patience of a saint and hand thread the doily bunting which we hung across the ceiling. We even had a cupcake table where people could ice and decorate their own cupcakes and take them away as favours or of course eat them right there.

If I had to describe our reception it was a labour of love.

 

 Talking about a labour of love our wedding cake was hand made by my fabulous relative Brenda. You only have to take one glance at the photo to see the detail work, time and effort that went into this cake. It was everything we had pictured plus so much more. A very special touch is the tea cup on top which was a set left to me by my late Nanna. This was my way of including her in our special day.

As Dan is a chef, food was his domain and it is safe to say the food was outstanding. We went with a buffet which meant our guests could choose what they wanted. Below is our menu...

Aged beef Sirloin with roast garlic and thyme crust.
Baked NZ Salmon Fillet with salsa Verde and hollandaise.
Lime and pepper berry chicken breast.

Balsamic roast Beetroot with marinated feta, basil and walnuts.
Sautéed green beans with roast garlic cherry toms and baked ricotta.
Gourmet potatoes with mint butter .

Wild rocket pear and parmesan salad with white balsamic dressing.
Avocado, cucumber and baby cos salad with chardonnay dressing.

Followed of course by dessert...
Baked white chocolate cheese cake
Vanilla and hazelnut Meringue with fresh berries and chocolate fudge sauce

Everything was cooked to perfection and I had one very happy husband and guests!! Mai Catering and Ryan you are highly recommended by us!!!

One of the highlights of our wedding (okay there were so many highlights but this was up there!) was our speeches. We laughed, teared up (cried!!), cringed and stepped back down memory lane as my dad, Dans mum, Josy, Jamie, myself and Dan all got up and spoke. Each speech was so different but perfectly captured the feelings and love they all had towards us.

After the speeches Dan and I slipped away for some sunset photos, cut our cake and finally had our first dance to Jack Johnson's Angel/Better Together. For the record we cannot dance haha!!
We had booked such a talented band called On Yer Bike which ironically played at our school ball where Dan and I won the 'Cutest Couple Award!'.

We danced away until 11pm till I could physically barely hold myself up and it was time to love and leave everyone and head back to our hotel.

I would have thought this day was all just a perfect dream until the next morning I woke up rolled over and was greeted to the words 'Good Morning my beautiful Wife!'

Mr and Mrs

I am finally back!! I've returned with a new blog name, beautiful new blog template but most importantly a new last name! I have a lot of health updates but decided for my first post back I want to share happy news and nothing makes me happier than our wedding day. So be ready for lots of photos of gushy words (you've been warned!). I know right now my words are not going to be able to do justice or be able to express the love and true joy we felt but I will give it a good shot!

The thing about planning a wedding when you are chronically unwell is all in the art of pacing yourself. Picking our photographer, venue, caterer, dress maker, florist, etc were all activities Dan and I could do together. The good thing was that we had time so we slowly worked through our list. I coped with this well. My Mum was my absolute rock during this time. I secretly think she enjoyed planning more than me haha! I loved sharing this special bonding time with her. We both agree we do not want to see another doily or bunting for a very long time though!

As the wedding day got closer I soon learnt that I had to start to delegate tasks and watch myself as my energy resources were fading as my to do list grew. Que the arrival of my Maid of Honour Josy from Melbourne who soon had everything under control. She had no shame in telling me to sit down, relax and was constantly checking if I was up to date with my medication. On the topic of medication two weeks out it was decided that for the sake of me being able to function my best bet was to up my prednsione. Not the most ideal medication to be increasing but it was a no brainier for me (#shreddingforthewedding was replaced with #beingabletowalkdowntheaisle!!)

My biggest worry was if I was going to be able to walk down the aisle without crutches or a terrible limp and enjoy my day without being in pain. I knew no matter what my health threw at me that day I would cope and still love every minute but I was praying that for one day I could truly be pain free.

Thankfully I didn't have to worry because on the morning on the 12th March 2016 I woke up feeling extremely well and ready to finally marry Dan!

I arose from my childhood bed room and was greeted with big hug from Josy. From there our day began. Mum tried to get some food into us but we were too excited to even register to eat. At 8.30am we went to the hair dressers where the fun began. I was met with my bridesmaid Sam and my flower girl Summer and of course Mum. The morning was spent laughing and joking as we were all pampered and enjoyed each others company. A few times I had to stop and think I am getting married today! Its today! I surprised myself how calm I was. Josy said to me the night before that I had done all the hard work and now today was my day to enjoy every moment and forget about everything else. If anything did go wrong I was blissfully unaware haha! That's the way it should be I think.

 My make up artist Bianca arrived and we spent time switching chairs then our photographer Aimee came and it finally felt real. Here are some snaps of me getting ready. I was surprised Bianca even managed to get make up on my face because of my constant cheesy smile.

        

Make Up by Bianca Weston

Hair by Mel from Vibe Hair Dezine

Dan spent the night with his Best Man and Groomsmen at our house and got ready there. The boys tucked into a big home made breakfast then went up to our venue to put out the chairs and decorations. Once they got back the photographer arrived and the boys began getting ready. No surprises the boys were snapped having a cheeky shot of whiskey!

Once we were all made over we returned back to Mum and Dads where it was time to get ready but not before I received a beautiful letter and necklace from Dan (yep that's when the first lot of happy tears were shed). Before getting ready we made time to sit down in the sunshine and enjoy a cup of wedding tea. Yes things were still strangely very relaxed. I was all about soaking up every moment and enjoy it. Every smile, every laugh, every hug were cherished and treasured.

Sam and Josy went off to my room to get ready while Mum took me to get ready in their bedroom. This was a special time for Mum and I, it felt right that she was the one to dress me. The special fact was Mum was the only one who had seen my dress so it was to be a surprise for everyone. I don't think I will ever feel as beautiful as I did in my wedding dress. I couldn't believe it was me. My dress was hand made by the incredibly talented Liah Roebuck. This woman is a complete superstar!!

Of course as I walked down the hallway and into the living room to show everyone the tears started again but not only from me...(Josy looking at you haha). Even Dad shed a few tears. It truly was such a beautiful, raw moment. One I will treasure forever.

We had time from some photos outside in the backyard then it was time to finally go and get married!!!

Right this post has become very long so the ceremony and reception will now be another post....the fun is just starting!

Promise it is almost half written so there will not be almost a years break in between haha!

Olivia will you....?

My poor blog has been neglected so far this year but soon you will realise why...its been a long ten months without a post and for that I apologise! Hopefully news this will make up for it...

They say in life there are moments where the world stands still. Where time seems to freeze and all that matters is what is happening right in front of your eyes. My world stopped on 05/01/15 at 8.30pm on the West Coast of the North Island in a beautiful little beach town called Raglan. Rewind to twelve hours earlier, Dan and I had packed up our car and had just begun our road trip up North. In typical Dan style just as we had left home he remembers he forgot to grab his backpack. Thinking it only had our beach towels in it I was reluctant to go back to collect it. After some persuading and a worried look on Dan’s face I turned around and we went and grabbed the backpack...thankfully I was still oblivious to what was going on.

In my little world the most life changing event of the day was driving safely along the winding coastal roads to Raglan. Little did I know as Dan sat next to me what he was planning in his head. There was a sense of freedom and ease that both of us had been longing to feel. To be able to get away from life’s mundane routines and truly enjoy each other’s company.  Dan had me laughing majority of the way especially with his singing and dancing to Bruno Marz Uptown Funk. 

Thankfully with some informative directions (thanks Dad!) we managed to find out way to Raglan with our relationship unscathed. 

After unpacking our gear and settling into our accommodation we decided to do some exploring. Dan suggested we go out somewhere nice for dinner he even picked out my dress for me to wear. Still I had not a single clue what was ahead of me. We dined on steak and venison and looked out over the river mouth. Already my heart was so blissful and content.  Dan refused me paying in any way towards dinner as this was his treat.

After a long day of driving I was quiet happy to go back to our room but Dan insisted we sit and watch the sunset from the look out. The view was stunning as the sunset over the beach. The perfect mix of clear blue sea and warming yellow light. In that moment I felt so blessed. It was perfect.

Dan's next idea was that we should go for a swim before it got dark. After being told I needed to be spontaneous (almost ruined his plans again!) I agreed and before I knew it we were diving into the crisp blue cold water. There was hardly anyone on the beach apart from a few surfers and the sun doing its best to hang around for a little longer.

Warning blog post is about to get really soppy...

Dan you knew that being in water is my favourite place to be. A place where I feel relaxed, joyful and at peace; a lot like the feelings I get when I am in your presence.  You had it all planned out. You called me over to you and asked for a hug.  You began telling me how much you love me and by now my heart was beating incredibly fast. In that moment my hands were covering my mouth as I had finally clicked to what was happening. In the shallow water down on one knee I heard you ask me a question I didn’t even have to think to answer... “Olivia will you marry me?” A one hundred percent ‘YES’ followed by many happy tears was my reply. The happy tears continued long into the night and in all honestly most of  that week!

We then went up to the beach and from your backpack you brought out the ring which had been hiding there all day. Now I understood why the backpack was so important! One thing I had always told Dan was that I wanted him to pick out my ring. To my total amazement the ring that Dan had chosen for me was the one that I would have chosen for myself. The crazy thing is that I had never even told Dan that's the ring I liked. 

Raglan now forever has a very special place in our hearts. I love how Dan managed to get me by complete surprise and how the moment was purely 'ours' to treasure. I still find myself looking down at my engagement ring and am transported back to that breathtaking night.  Fast forward eight months and the planning is well and truly underway. The countdown is now on for the 12^th March 2016 when I will become Dan’s wife.  How blessed we are to journey through life together! 

Lets live

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." -  Kahlil Gibran

Not so long ago I remember driving and suddenly bursting to tears because I saw people out walking. I saw people who were moving with such freedom and ease and honestly I was jealous. Desperately my body and soul craved movement free from pain and limitations. They say you often don't miss something until you lose it and I completely agree with this statement. Walking is something we take for granted. I remember in that moment saying to myself that I would never take being able to walk for granted. I would cherish every heavenly step without crutches.

Can you imagine the joy that came over the next week when I was slowly able to go from two crutches to one to NONE! I feel like me again. I feel like I have my spark back. I feel like I can start to live again and not simply survive. It's not often until I get a break from the pain I can step back and realise how severe the pain was. How my days were spent consumed by mind altering pain or dosed up on morphine. I don't know how I survived that patch and I never want to have to go back to that pain again. Being off morphine has made such a different mentally as well. I no longer feel spacey and foggy. I feel alive and bright. I was so lucky that I was able to stop the morphine with no withdrawal symptoms.

Yesterday I was able to go grocery shopping by myself for the first time in months. While everyone else looked like it was the last place they wanted to be I excitedly pushed my trolley around and enjoyed every step. I felt independent, in control, fulfilled and delighted. I can't remember the last time I felt those emotions. Every day I feel as though I am getting stronger and am able to achieve more. I feel so thankful the steroid injection worked and can't believe the complete contrast. I have a constant warm, bubbly, excited feeling in my heart. I am grateful for every moment I get without pain.

The quote at the top of the page perfectly sums up this post. In the space of about a week I went from crying tears of sorrow about not being able to walk to almost crying tears of joy for being able to. Right now I am in such a precious place where I am filled with so much joy. The things I have been crying about are now the moments that are making me happy. So if you see a blonde girl walking down the street with a huge smile on her face for no apparent reason chances are it's me enjoying every heavenly pain free step.

Blessed

Friday 14th November 2014

Tonight we won!
We got to be the young, carefree, joyful us!
I wasn't overcome by severe unrelenting pain and you didn't have to spend the night caring for me. Tonight you held my hand while I walked WITHOUT crutches, something you haven't been able to do for a very long time.
Tonight we felt like we could both breathe a lot easier.
We laughed, drank and dined.
You told me multiple times I was beautiful and honestly I felt it.
I wasn't the sick girl and the worry look in your eye disappeared.
Tonight was perfect and we are so thankful.

Bring on being painfree!

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today" . - Thich Nhat Hanh

You remember that feeling you got as a kid before Christmas? That anticipation and excitement deep in your belly? The feeling of wanting time to speed up so you didn't have to wait for so long. Well that is what its been like for me counting down the days until I got my hip steroid injection. I guess for majority of you the thought of having a massive needle placed into a joint would seem like a worst nightmare but the truth was I was so looking forward to this procedure. Looking forward to being able to sleep through the night without excruciating pain, be able to walk without crutches, stop taking heavy duty painkillers and ultimately start living again!

Finally yesterday the day dawned upon me. Months had turned into weeks, weeks into days and days into hours. I felt like I had finally taken control back from this miserable pain. I wasn't due in at the hospital until 3.30pm so I had a long day ahead of me waiting. I was thankful that due to having had this done two times previously I knew what I was in for which made the waiting easier. There is nothing worse than anxiously waiting for a surgery. Arriving at the hospital things happened very quickly as I had been brought forward on the list. Because the injection is done in a theater room I am prepped like I'm having surgery. Due to my lupus my surgeon wants the most sterile clean conditions to lower the risk of infection. I am wheeled away to theater and checked over for the final time. My surgeon comes into pre-op and signs the final forms and marks my left leg. I am excited and its obvious  to all the nurses who seem to be confused with why I am so happy. One states I am a 'breath of fresh air'. My surgeon checks again that I do not want any sedatives. My reply "no I am absolutely fine!".

I am then wheeled into the operating theater and transferred onto the table. I always find it so strange to be awake at this time. The room has to be kept cold so I am piled with warm blankets. Before we begin my surgeon marks out vial arteries and nerves that he needs to stay away from.My hip area is then smothered in antiseptic and draped to prevent infection. A radiologist uses a fluoroscope to ensure my surgeon gets the needle inside my hip joint. First a local anasetic is injected into my hip to numb the area to reduce the pain. It more feels like a sharp scratch then a little big of stinging as the local is injected. Nothing too painful. Once the area is numb the needle is then inserted right into the hip joint. The surgeon then inserts contrast into the hip to ensure he is in the right place. Xrays will be taken during this time and sometimes the needle will have to be moved around slightly to find the right place. Once this is achieved the steroid is injected as well as some long lasting anesthetic  . This typically does not hurt but can feel like there is pressure building up in the joint. Then the needle is removed a sterile water proof dressing is placed on the injection site and you are done!! The injection its self does not take long more time is spent charting and prepping all the materials. Throughout the injection my surgeon talked me through what was happened and ensured I was being brave and coping well.

Needle in my hip being injected with contrast 

I was then transferred back to my bed and into post op where I had two sets of observations taken and then got to go back to my room. I was so thankfully I did not have to wake up from a general anesthetic as the guy next to be struggled with the nasty side effects. Thanks to the local anesthetic my hip felt great.   I spent about an hour and a half in the hospital before I was allowed home. On the way home I happily burst out with "Mum I can't feel my hip!!!". Relief sweet relief!  Last night I had to rest up and take it easy to allow the steroid to start to work. I had the best sleep which was incredible.

This morning my local anesthetic has worn off so my hip is a bit more achy. The steroid should start to kick in in the next few days. Here's hoping it wont take long. So for now I hope and pray that soon I truly will be pain free!!! I have so much living I want to do so please hip be nice.

Not a sad story

"I'm going to make everything around me beautiful -that will be my life"  Elsie de Wolfe

I don't want my blog and my story to be one that makes others feel sad or sorry for me.
I don't want to be known as the 'sick girl'.
I don't want your pity.
I don't want that look of sympathy or the uncomfortable silence as you search for the right words to say.

Lupus is not my life; it's in my life but it does not make up who I am.
It has shaped me and changed me but I am so much more than simply an illness.

So who is the real Liv?

I have been blessed with 24 beautiful years on earth.
I am the girl who laughs a little to loud and a little too much.
I adore and treasure my family, my partner and my friends they are my whole world and complete me in every way.

Baking cupcakes and cakes makes me a little too excited.

Being in and by the water/sea instantly calms and puts me at peace. 

I love celebrations; birthdays, Christmas, weddings any reason to celebrate the good in life.
I have my mothers determination and cheekiness and my fathers focused and gentle personality traits.
My house is filled with quotes on the walls, photographs, butterflies and mismatch teacups and teapots.
I believe the greatest gift you can give someone is your time and smiles have the power to change someones day.
I am grateful for this moment right now, for the air I breathe, my heart that beats and my soul that is peaceful.
I crave that in the near future I will be able to work in the community and feel fulfilled and satisfied.
I dream of one day marrying my best friend and nothing makes my soul happier.
I pray for my own beautiful future family; to be able to care and love them as much as my mum and dad did for me.
I go to sleep at night knowing I am truly loved and am in love.

I am lucky; I am blessed and I am so thankful for this wonderful life!