Friday, December 30, 2016

The unwelcome guest

'Because sometimes that's what has to be done. 
You have to lay down with it. The hurt. Or the heartache or even the hate.
 Whatever is inside. Sometimes you have to get close to it. 
Taste it and understand it so you can define it, before it defines you.' 

I sense you, 
I feel you,
I know that you are constantly there. 
I am the antelope, you are the lion...hunting..stalking...preying.
Some days you are in the shadows waiting for your opportunity to strike.
Some days you seep into my joints and bones causing agonizing pain.
Some days you zap all my precious energy leaving me struggling to function.
Some days you leave me shaky, feverish and nauseous. 
Some days you decide to cause havoc with my heart rate.
Some days you engulf and swallow up my whole being. 
You are always there.
Waiting to attack, pouch and suffocate. 
Taunting me. 
My unwanted companion at 4am when I cant sleep due to severe pain.
My unwanted companion that takes away opportunities, choices, freedoms and my independence. 
My every move is calculated because of you.
Will walking too far upset you?
Will staying up an hour later offend you?
Will socialising cause you to become aggravated?
You make me question my every move filling me with anxiety.
Will I upset the balance?
Is it my fault?
Quite frankly you are powerful, controlling and terrifying all at the same time. 

For some reason though our paths have been aligned and as unwelcome as you are 
I know you are there.
I acknowledge you and respect your power because the reality is in a mixed up kind of way you think you are protecting me. 
You think you are helping me.
Do you know what though..truth be told I think you are confused.
Confused what your role is, what your job is. 
My body is not the enemy, I am not the enemy.
I am not your prey!
I promise you I can protect myself.
I do not need your constant suffocating grip.

I can do this without you. 
I can be whole without you.
I can be enough without you.
I can be ME without you.

I can survive without you if you just gave me the chance!

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