Saturday, September 13, 2014

My Nanna Margie

I have stared at an empty blog post for the last week trying desperately to grasp at words and thoughts buzzing around my morphine induced brain fog. Trying to find the right words to say and perhaps not wanting to write this down because writing things down makes me have to acknowledge and absorb sentences which cause overwhelming sadness.   

Deep breath....our family has been grieving the loss of my mums mum, my precious Nanna Margie.A beautiful, graceful, humble, strong, determined and loving woman who I was so blessed to be able to call my Nanna. Nanna's health had slowly been deteriorating but when I got the news she had passed on August 13th it still hit me like a tonne of bricks. My mind flashed back to my childhood and remembered all the magical memories of my Nanna and the time we shared together. These memories now more so than ever have become my comfort. They are something I am going to keep close to my heart forever. A Nanna can never be replaced!

I am incredibly lucky to have had my Nanna to watch me grow up into the person I am today for twenty three years. She was always so proud of all her grandchildren and took such pride following our lives. My life is so much richer from having Nanna Margie in it. She taught me about the importance of family, especially about forgiveness and unconditional love. Nanna taught me to be strong; I'd always wondered where I got my strength and determination from and now I know whole heartily it was from Nanna. She battled her last few days with such grace and strength. A little woman which such a courageous heart. I adored everything about my Nanna. One day if I can be half the mother she was to her children and my mum is to us then I would have done something right. I know now Ill have an angel watching over me guiding me. 

As Sarah McLachlan's 'Angel' played and photos of Nannas life lit up the projector I was filled with both happiness and deep sadness. Happiness looking at the life she had lived; her beautiful smile which lit up the church, how proud she looked in the photos with her children, how as her life became more filled with family her heart grew bigger to accommodate us all. Nanna always looked happiest when she was surrounded by her family. Tears rolled down my cheeks as sadness took over my heart knowing that on this earth I am never going to see her again, feel her hugs, hear her voice. I am going to miss those things more than words describe. 

I imagine you in heaven Nanna, now with Grandad you are sitting around the table with your parents and all those you love in heaven. You have been in the kitchen all day, with no fear of falling over or getting breathless. Your joints don't ache and you are strong. Your hair has just been permed and you are wearing one of your favourite dresses. You dont feel the cold like you used to anymore.  You have just peeled all the vegetables from out of Grandads garden, made stuffing, gravy and broccoli and cheese sauce by hand. On the stove there is rhubarb, peaches, apricots and apples all stewing. You call everyone around for dinner and you all sit down to a golden perfectly cooked roast chicken with all the trimmings. Dessert is stewed fruit, custard and of course cream! You would be able to eat a big portion Nanna your throat can now swallow properly and food tastes sweeter and richer than ever before. This is what I picture your heaven being Nanna full of your favourite things nothing but love, joy and happiness. 

Rest in peace my Nanna Margie, I will be forever missing you. 


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